Friday, February 8, 2013
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Luckily, I found a clean, MP3 version of the Christian Bale rant today online (link added for your convenience.) Through the powers of Audacity (a bad ass bit of shareware, if I do say so myself) I extracted that magical bit and made it into an iPhone formatted tone (M4R.) For those of you that play with other phones, I've did an MP3 version too.
Christian Bale "Oh Good for you!" iPhone ringtone
Christian Bale "Oh Good for you!" Mp3 format
P.S--don't be scared of the littleretard.com URL--that's mine. I couldn't pass up an awesome domain like that when it was suggested by the registrar a few years ago. I use it for a picture blog (www.littleretard.com/blog) but it's not updated often.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I hit my highest weight EVER in December 2010 (or the highest recorded weight, that is--it doesn't count if it's not documented) when I entered a weight loss competition with some of my coworkers. Sadly, I lost (blame it on the fact that we started in December; blame it on the fact that I was in New Orleans constantly the eight weeks we tracked our shit; blame it on the rain, yeah yeah; blame it on the ah ah ah ah alcohol baby).
I lost a WHOPPING 10.5 pounds. Boo. Hiss.
Fast forward to June 2010...my coworker (now my boss) decided she needed some motivation to shed a few pounds before her trip to Italy, so she kicked off a Biggest Loser Part Deux in the office. Eight weeks. Eight contestants. $800 on the line. (I'm a shitty story teller, so I'll just blurt out the fact that I handily won that bitch).
Imagine my surprise when I weighed LESS at the start of this comp than I did at the END of the last? By almost 10 pounds. W00T! I have no idea how it happened, as I wasn't really dieting. I slacked off a LOT since then (for a few reasons that I'll get into in a sec), but now that the holidays are over, I'm back to being a diet and exercise Nazi as of 1/3/2011. I'm down about 5 pounds since then and I think I'm off to a good start.
You want in? You know you do...here are some of the tools that I've been using. They seem to work for me:
- Myfitnesspal.com--I started using this site because they had a decent iPhone app (and yes, I'm back to the iPhone--the 3GS is like a bajillionty times better than Android) that made tracking my food super easy. I've sadly discovered that unless I'm crazy ass OCD about tracking what I eat (and talking about it incessently with Laurie), I start to drift off into picking up breakfast tacos on the way to work; eating double bacon cheeseburgers at lunch; "snacking" on a McDouble AND a fucking McChicken on the way home BEFORE dinner YOU SAD FAT MOTHER FUCKER. In the few months I've used it, they iPhone app has been updated to be even more user friendly. I've tried a couple of other apps (like Sparkpeople) but they are as slow as a stoned turtle fucking.
- Runkeeper (iPhone app)--I had planned on running a few days a week to build up to a 5K, but then I not only pulled my right hamstring (Octoberish?), I pulled the left a few weeks later and THEN did something to my left Achilles Tendon (or possibly fractured my left heel bone--can't say for sure, because I still haven't gone to the doctor, but I'm leaning towards a strained AT). while using a mother fucking jump rope of all things Runkeeper is the fucking bomb for tracking that shit, with integrated GPS that feeds into a map. What I like about Runkeeper is that you can also use it to track bike routes too.
- Muscleandstrength.com--Great website to learn about fitness and nutrition (but take everything you read with a grain of salt, especially in the forms). Lots of example videos, which is helpful when you're trying a new split and you have no fucking idea what a Pec Dec Fly is.
- ExRx.net--another great site to with tons of exercise examples.
- Digital Kitchen Scale--get one. You need it. Seriously.
- Jack3d--The label calls it a "pre-exercise CNS-Carnosine-ATP Augmentor". It's a pre-exercise supplement with creatine (rebuild muscles faster) that increases nitric oxide levels (pumping up your muscles) and doubles as an energy drink (much like crack or meth--the shit is potent, yo).
- Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey Protein (Rocky Road flavor)--I am so mother fucking tired of this flavor. Ugh. I'm getting strawberry next time. Whey protein is a must if you're going to do any strength training. Drink a shake within 30 minutes of completing your workout--again, helps the muscles rebuild faster. I stick with whey only right now since I'm trying to lose weight, but there are other types of proteins out there that are digested more slowly that I'll add when I get into some type of maintenance mode.
I'm still a fat mofo, but not as bad as I was (and not as MUCH as I thought). The trainer at our work gym did a body fat caliper test on me in November and based on that, I'm actually at the tail end of the "normal" range with 22% body fat.. My pants beg to differ, but I'll take what I can get.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's 8:30pm and Evan comes into the living room with tears of frustration welling in his eyes. He's been working on a make-up quiz for TWO HOURS. And he's still on problem one.
Evan's a pretty sharp kid (he took the SATs last month and scored in the 40th percentile of graduating seniors--what, what) and is in AP math. It's a quiz on similar triangles and all of the background info was covered when he was out of school due to the dreaded pig flu. But, he has a intuitive grasp of things, so his blind flailing into figuring this shit out was pretty much the same as mine. But he got stuck because he didn't know that proportions were the key to figure out the size of the bigger triangle.
Basically, here's the problem:
Triangle VTC ~ Triangle VWY
How big is line WY?
WTF? I don't think I EVER had math like this. The most advanced math class I had was high school geometry 20 years ago. Granted, I'm sure I was high the whole time, but I don't remember ever doing this type of shit. But, I do remember the Pythagorean Theorem (one of the few things college era THC & years of alcohol abuse haven't scrubbed from my dying brain, so here's how I attacked the problem.
1) If the two triangles are similar, then if I can figure out the size of the small one, I can back into the big one.
2) I have the length of two sides of a triangle. Using a2+b2=c2, I should be able to get the length of the third.
So I start my dumbassery with
Squareroot of 2,225 is 41.169905, round that bitch down to 41.2.
OK. If these triangles are similar, than I can use what I have to figure out the rest. If I divide line VZ by the total length VY, that will give me it's proportion to the whole line! (38.4615%). Once I have that, I can divide line segment VT (47.2) by that figure to get the rest of line TW (75.39). Add those together and that's the hypotenuse of triangle VWY. I can THEN do the following:
a2+104 squared=122.6 squared.
get the square root and voila, the answer is that line segment WY is 64.9.
Yay, me...I'm so smart!
Yeah, right. Here's why I'm dumb:
It took 30 minutes to get to that solution. It aggravated the shit out of me because I wasn't feeling good about the process. It was TOO long and involved and the fractional answer was leaving a bad taste in my mouth (TWSS).
Google failed me when searching for hints on how to do this shit last night (but for some reason EVERY link I could find today was perfect), but I epic failed by not remembering that Evan could view his math book online.
I should have figured that there's a much simpler way to do this. There's no way the 7th grade math teacher would have them doing this if it required a calculator (which you'd need to get the square roots).
We move on to problem two, which is the old "You're 5 feet tall and have a 12 foot shadow. The flagpole's shadow is 32 feet tall. How tall is the flagpole" question.
Shit. We should have started there first, because once I googled that and took a look, we hit pay dirt. Pay dirt that takes literally 30 seconds to solve the problem.
Here's how using the first example:
1) Setup a ratio equation using the known numbers
40/104 (the length of VZ [your shadow] over the length of VY [the flagpole shadow]) is equal to 25/x (the length of TZ [your height] over WY [flagpole height]). From there, it's basic cross multiplication to get the answer.
--- = -----
40x = 2600
So, if Google fails you and brings you here, that's how you do it. Here are some really good Math sites I found today (when Google decided to allow me the privilege of seeing them) that are even better. I'm sure the folks that wrote them aren't retards like me.
Be happy that I totally fucked that shit up, because it gave me a reason to actually post something to this wasteland of a blog. It's been over TEN fucking years since my first posting in my "online diary" back in the 20th century. My, how time flies. But even though it's 2010, the cars STILL don't. I want my money back, bitch.
Things are going great for me. I still dig my job. I just had my 14th anniversary with Laurie. Evan turns 13 in a couple of months (jesus) and Chloe just turned 9. Still live in the same house. Still drive the same automobile. I went to New Orleans a bajillion times last year. Went to FL for vacation. Went to Vegas in October. Was GOING to go to NY last month, but airfare skyrocketed and I couldn't afford it. I'm still bald and still fat.
Ha...now that we've moved on to me, I've lost interest in writing. How droll.
I'm sure I'll be posting more in the near future, as I'm about to embark on a historic nine trillionth diet at the beginning of February (once I get checked out by my ass loving doctor). It will be EPIC.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I have decided to join a global movement that is bringing much needed attention to cancers that affect men. I'm doing this by growing a Moustache this Movember, the month formerly known as November. My commitment is to grow a moustache all November and I am hoping that you will support my efforts by making a donation. The funds raised go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LIVESTRONG).
What many people don't know is that 1 in 6 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime and testicular cancer is the most common cancer in men aged 18-35. Facts like these have convinced me I should get involved.
To make a donation, you can either:
* Click this link http://us.movember.com/mospace/355596/ and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account , or
* Write a check payable to 'Movember Foundation', referencing my Registration Number 355596 and mailing it to: Movember Foundation, PO Box 2726, Venice, CA 90294-2726.
All donations are tax deductible to the extent permitted by law.
The Prostate Cancer Foundation will use the money raised by Movember to fund research to find better treatments and a cure for prostate cancer.
The Lance Armstrong Foundation will use the money raised by Movember to fund:
* The LIVESTRONG Young Adult Alliance program which has the goal of improving survival rates and quality of life for young adults with cancer between the ages of 15 and 40.
* Research initiatives to further understand the biology of adolescent and young adult cancers.
For more details on how the funds raised from previous campaigns have been used and the impact Movember is having please go to http://us.movember.com/mospace/355596/
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Maybe it's all the time I wasted on the boards and on Twitter. I blow my humor load in 140 characters or less (much like my literal load in 120 seconds or less).
Maybe I'll write something tonight. Laurie is out of town for three days. I'll try to fit something in between the violent bouts of masturbation.