Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Obviously, I've been a fat mofo for quite a while. This blog is the bastard stepchild of a blog I started back in July 2005 to document my fight against my fatty fatty two-by-four nature. A fight that continues, my fine friends.

I hit my highest weight EVER in December 2010 (or the highest recorded weight, that is--it doesn't count if it's not documented) when I entered a weight loss competition with some of my coworkers. Sadly, I lost (blame it on the fact that we started in December; blame it on the fact that I was in New Orleans constantly the eight weeks we tracked our shit; blame it on the rain, yeah yeah; blame it on the ah ah ah ah alcohol baby).

I lost a WHOPPING 10.5 pounds. Boo. Hiss.

Fast forward to June coworker (now my boss) decided she needed some motivation to shed a few pounds before her trip to Italy, so she kicked off a Biggest Loser Part Deux in the office. Eight weeks. Eight contestants. $800 on the line. (I'm a shitty story teller, so I'll just blurt out the fact that I handily won that bitch).

Imagine my surprise when I weighed LESS at the start of this comp than I did at the END of the last? By almost 10 pounds. W00T! I have no idea how it happened, as I wasn't really dieting. I slacked off a LOT since then (for a few reasons that I'll get into in a sec), but now that the holidays are over, I'm back to being a diet and exercise Nazi as of 1/3/2011. I'm down about 5 pounds since then and I think I'm off to a good start.

You want in? You know you are some of the tools that I've been using. They seem to work for me:

  • started using this site because they had a decent iPhone app (and yes, I'm back to the iPhone--the 3GS is like a bajillionty times better than Android) that made tracking my food super easy. I've sadly discovered that unless I'm crazy ass OCD about tracking what I eat (and talking about it incessently with Laurie), I start to drift off into picking up breakfast tacos on the way to work; eating double bacon cheeseburgers at lunch; "snacking" on a McDouble AND a fucking McChicken on the way home BEFORE dinner YOU SAD FAT MOTHER FUCKER. In the few months I've used it, they iPhone app has been updated to be even more user friendly. I've tried a couple of other apps (like Sparkpeople) but they are as slow as a stoned turtle fucking.
  • Runkeeper (iPhone app)--I had planned on running a few days a week to build up to a 5K, but then I not only pulled my right hamstring (Octoberish?), I pulled the left a few weeks later and THEN did something to my left Achilles Tendon (or possibly fractured my left heel bone--can't say for sure, because I still haven't gone to the doctor, but I'm leaning towards a strained AT). while using a mother fucking jump rope of all things Runkeeper is the fucking bomb for tracking that shit, with integrated GPS that feeds into a map. What I like about Runkeeper is that you can also use it to track bike routes too.
  • website to learn about fitness and nutrition (but take everything you read with a grain of salt, especially in the forms). Lots of example videos, which is helpful when you're trying a new split and you have no fucking idea what a Pec Dec Fly is.
  • great site to with tons of exercise examples.
  • Digital Kitchen Scale--get one. You need it. Seriously.
  • Jack3d--The label calls it a "pre-exercise CNS-Carnosine-ATP Augmentor". It's a pre-exercise supplement with creatine (rebuild muscles faster) that increases nitric oxide levels (pumping up your muscles) and doubles as an energy drink (much like crack or meth--the shit is potent, yo).
  • Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey Protein (Rocky Road flavor)--I am so mother fucking tired of this flavor. Ugh. I'm getting strawberry next time. Whey protein is a must if you're going to do any strength training. Drink a shake within 30 minutes of completing your workout--again, helps the muscles rebuild faster. I stick with whey only right now since I'm trying to lose weight, but there are other types of proteins out there that are digested more slowly that I'll add when I get into some type of maintenance mode.
I fucked around after August (and the injuries in October screwed up my fitness shit for a couple of months) and gained a few pounds back. Since June 1, I'm down 30 pounds...starting with my 12/2010 weight, I'm down 49 pounds.

I'm still a fat mofo, but not as bad as I was (and not as MUCH as I thought). The trainer at our work gym did a body fat caliper test on me in November and based on that, I'm actually at the tail end of the "normal" range with 22% body fat.. My pants beg to differ, but I'll take what I can get.

1 comment:

Ms. Rice said...

I like it! I used the Couch 2 5k app at first but now I figured out that I am a slow-ass so I've been trying to figure out how to run faster. I haven't been tracking my food though...should probably get on that. I like your blogz.