Friday, November 14, 2008

Irrational Fears

1) Closing my eyes in the shower. I'm always afraid that when I'm done washing my face and head, that the freaky-walk chick from The Ring is going to be six inches away from my face.

2) Eating lunchmeat/deli meat when the package has been open for more than 3-4 days. In my head, I understand that it's probably good for WEEKS with all of the shit they put in it, but I'll toss out a whole package of meat if it's not gone in a couple of days.

3) Having an alligator and/or snake climb up through the sewers and bite my ballsack whilst I'm sitting on the toilet. I don't believe the pain could be totally offset by the coolness of having teabagged a reptile.

4) Midday phone calls from my wife. My heart starts pounding and my mind races. "What the fuck did she find?" I'm 99.99% certain that I'm not doing anything wrong, but that .01% fucks with my mind. What if I'm downloading Asian Piss Porn in my sleep?


Livemalls said...

When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair

I might open my eyes and find someone standing there

People say I'm crazy, just a little touched

But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much

As long as Michael Jackson isn't singing in the background, you should be okay.

(he, he, he)

Lisa..... said...

Thank god I never saw that movie.