1) Closing my eyes in the shower. I'm always afraid that when I'm done washing my face and head, that the freaky-walk chick from The Ring is going to be six inches away from my face.
2) Eating lunchmeat/deli meat when the package has been open for more than 3-4 days. In my head, I understand that it's probably good for WEEKS with all of the shit they put in it, but I'll toss out a whole package of meat if it's not gone in a couple of days.
3) Having an alligator and/or snake climb up through the sewers and bite my ballsack whilst I'm sitting on the toilet. I don't believe the pain could be totally offset by the coolness of having teabagged a reptile.
4) Midday phone calls from my wife. My heart starts pounding and my mind races. "What the fuck did she find?" I'm 99.99% certain that I'm not doing anything wrong, but that .01% fucks with my mind. What if I'm downloading Asian Piss Porn in my sleep?
When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair
I might open my eyes and find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy, just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much
As long as Michael Jackson isn't singing in the background, you should be okay.
(he, he, he)
Thank god I never saw that movie.
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